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a New Life, a New Everything

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 3, 2014, 6:36 PM
I have been driving for 3 days from New Mexico to Pennsylvania. I lived in New Mexico for a few years and recently I could not find enough work so I had to pack my car with a few things and drive back to where I grew up. I had to let go of a lot of recently discovered friends and relationships. I had to let go of a certain comfort I had being so close to the activities I so loved. And I had to face my Pride. I felt I was doing something so good for myself. And here I was crawling back to mom because I just couldn't make it.

It has made me see how little is required to survive. I was eating almost nothing everyday (no fruits, veggies or meat - they were all too expensive) because there were other things more important to pay for. Like heat and hot water and gas for my car so I could get to my 1 day a week job.

I long time ago I realized I felt guilt when I drove by a homeless man begging. Now as I drive by them I feel a sort of familiarity because I have become that beggar. I am currently living with thousands of dollars of debt, no job and no address. It doesn't mean I am lost and broken. It means I am capable of surviving something I never dreamed I had to face. And I can honestly say that when I had everything (a house, a job, close friends, food, etc.) I had a sort of arrogance thinking that living without all of it would be so easy.

But actually living it is something else entirely.

It is a struggle to keep your mind positive when everything is telling you that you have failed. It takes a strong Will to keep the belief that even though things seem to keep getting worse, at one point, they will get better. There is no blaming a God for doing this to me. At one point I made a choice, and this is what I had to face to take responsibility for my choice. It is no one's fault. It is simply what happens.

I am not out of the weeds yet, so to speak. But I refuse to let this situation get the better of me.

I am still alive. So there is still something that can be done about it.


For those of you who have supported me through this so far,

Thank You.

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And what would a journal be without a few features?

Enjoy :)


Sunlight by IACG    A Future Still Unwritten by kparks


Winter IV by Juliana-Mierzejewska     ...  . by RAFALLIMBURSKI   


Sphinx by benjoin    Warmth by larisa8


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Agnaya
Learn to Let Go
Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
United States
If you have a moment, please check out my blog!

swahavairam.wordpress.com/
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:iconolivieraccart:
OlivierAccart Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Professional Photographer
Thank you a lot for giving me your watch, Lady !
Welcome to my little world !
Reply
:iconagnaya:
Agnaya Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I am a dummy! 
Reply
:iconelsohnschon:
ElSohnSchon Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thanks for the +fav of Time traveling, really appreciate :D
If you like what I do, follow me also on FACEBOOK Hug 
Reply
:iconbluefish3d:
bluefish3d Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks so much for the faves and for watching - I really appreciate it :D
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:iconagnaya:
Agnaya Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
My pleasure :)
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